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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Story preview: The scribe of Anubis chapter 1

I wrote this a while ago for my creative writing class :) I would love constructive criticism to improve the story.

I was inspired to write this story when I saw this pen at the Denver Art Museum gift shop.

Chapter 1
I didn’t choose to work for Anubis, the previous god of the underworld. The task of guarding the names and keeping them hidden had been passed down in the Logos family for generations. I also didn’t choose for someone to break into my parents’ house and steal the Anubis Book of the Dead. I should remind you, however, that I am only fourteen and in big trouble.
My name is Seth Logos. On my fourteenth birthday, I was given an Anubis pen from my grandfather. At first glance it seemed an ordinary pen, a trinket from a museum gift shop. The problem about the gift was the fact it didn’t work.
Every time I set the pen to paper, no ink appeared on the page. I even drew in circles until my arm got tired. When I complained to my dad, he only laughed and said the pen would work “when the time was right”. Two days later, my school principle decided to arrange a field trip to the museum. The exhibit of King Tut would only be available for a limited time.
The day of the field trip, I made a last minute decision to bring the Anubis pen with me, mostly to show off. I remember the teacher, Miss Cane explaining the importance of the artifacts and to always stay in your group. I also remember the silence of the building.
We made a line to the double doors and watched the bored tour guide press a button to begin the opening film. Harrison Ford described the culture of Egypt while pronouncing each Pharaoh’s name with dignity. Then the doors opened and Miss Cane told us to get out a notebook and a pen. I grinned as Zach stared at the Anubis pen.
“Is that. . .?” he started.
“Yeah, I’ve been to this place before.” I answered.
“I thought this was the first time the exhibit has come to this museum.”
“Yeah it is. I was visiting in New York when I went there.”
Zach seemed impressed, but we had already lost our group. A few minutes later, Miss Cane found us.
“Why aren’t you in group C?”
“On our way.” I grinned while walking toward my classmates, Haley and Kiya.
Kiya was just finishing her introduction when Zach and I slipped in the group for roll call. Haley was already writing notes. I wasn’t surprised. She always seemed to know everything. Kiya didn’t mind.
“You should all follow Haley’s example and start taking notes.”
I rolled my eyes as Haley beamed. She twirled a curly black pigtail with pride. I started to write notes when I realized I was using the inkless pen. It was working, but it wasn’t writing the thoughts I wanted. I was supposed to be taking notes on Egyptian statues. Instead my pen began writing on its own:
Long ago, the god Osiris took the task of ruling the underworld from the god Anubis. Banished from this place, Anubis continued to record the history of the dead. Although the god could no longer weigh the hearts of the deceased, he hired a scribe to write the names of every Pharaoh said to be wiped from history.
“Seth.” Kiya spoke while staring at my notes, “What are you writing?”
“It’s Egyptian.” I replied in defense.
“That’s strange,” Haley said while looking over my shoulder. “How did you know about Anubis?”
“I don’t, I mean I do.”
She gave me a skeptical look. I must have resembled an idiot, standing there and staring at my pen like it was a snake. Unfortunately, my pen wasn’t finished.
The goddess of truth, Ma’at found the scribe and arranged a deal with Anubis. As long as the names remained guarded, the gods would not know about the Anubis Book of the Dead. However, the god Horus was cunning. He trapped the scribe of Anubis in a shabti as punishment for working against the gods. Anubis was furious and vowed to deliver the shabti to the guardians of his Book of the Dead. The shabti was passed to the Logos bloodline in order to protect what Anubis had hidden from the world.
My blood froze. I put the pen away and tried to focus on the object we were looking at. It was a pendant with the eye of Horus. As I read the information in tiny print, I noticed the pendant began to shake. Haley was watching too. I had never seen her look so horrified. But, before I could reveal in the glory that I wasn’t crazy, I noticed that Zach also stared at the pendant. He seemed to be in a trance.
No one else noticed. All the tourists read quickly, took a quick glance and then walked by without interest. I saw the strange blue air swirl from the pendant into Zach’s eyes. After a blink it was gone and I tapped his shoulder to make sure he was okay. Instead of nodding and saying he was fine, he glared at me and said, “Where’s the book?”


  1. Overall I liked it, although it is so similar to Percy Jackson's encounter that I know exactly where you got your inspiration and hopefully the rest of the story will not follow too closely in Percy's footsteps. My main criticism would be that it does sound/is so close to Percy Jackson. I am also quite partial to Egyptian mythology, so I am intrigued with the idea.

  2. Yeah, I was wondering if it sounded too similar. It is supposed to be a kid's story that has humor and adventure. Thanks for reading :)