Browse the Garden

Monday, February 28, 2011

The book

The book contains
Memories of pain
Echoes of anger
Fleeting hopes
The cruelty of the ego
It may be objective
To people who don't care
But I can't do that
I was there

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Inspirational music :)

This band is called On/Off and they are mostly known as the singers of Vampire Knight themes, but they have a lot of cool songs that go past anime.

The lyrics are cool, and they mention cherry blossoms which are one of my favorite flowers :) enjoy.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

On striking out

"Never let the fear of Striking out keep you from playing the game"
For some reason this quote won't leave my head. It is true that you often regret not doing something when you feel you should do something. Maybe that regret, the more you give into it holds you back from doing the one thing you really want to do.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Writing as a Witness

For an assignment in class, I have to write some things I've witnessed everyday in a journal. So I thought I'd put some of these things in my blog:

The leaves on the ground, while the snow falls, remind me of Christmas ornaments.

Sweet Revenge- the name of a cupcake company

The more I build a wall, the more I want it torn down

I read a book where a violin gets turned into a cat.

Some of the most difficult battles are subtle ones.

How do you ignore an emotional hurricane outside the door?

Wind can be a calming and challenging thing. It can start as a nice breeze, then it whips your hair in your eyes.

The last thing I expected in the college parking lot was a scattered deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards

Cloaked in sky
And lost in time
Fleeting strands of life

Quote from XXXholic: "Words can not only bind ourselves, but they can bind others."

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Something Blue 17

Surrounded by sea and sky, there is no balance. Maybe a breeze will whip your hair, and carry you away to better times. Times of happiness and contentment. For now, you have the sea and the sky, an overwhelming and harmonious combination. Even the wood ripples like the ocean, a wobbly but still static place to stand. Somehow you have to make these ends meet. Somehow, you need to bring the blues together to find the answer. Will you find it? I'm not sure. If you erased the clouds, would you make nothing but a vast expansion of blue with no difference between sea and sky? Life and time. The heart and soul. Find the balance within, and make the solution spread outward. You are at the pier. Now you need a boat. Make one with the clouds sea and sky. Once you do that you will understand the importance of choice, mind set and the open sea. The open sky.

picture from

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

An emotional excorcism

I hereby banish
The words can't and won't
The thoughts that bind
me to paralysis
The feelings of negativity
and depression
I will replace those words
with will and do
try and try again
I will become
a person of action
With these words
I will become
The person I want to be

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Writing Prompt 13

Prompt: What do you love to create?

Writing is creating. All the stories I write are myth quests within many different cultures, worlds and folklore. The characters, creatures and the mythology are all key elements to my stories. Names, places and many other important details are necessary to each different story.
When I'm writing, I love to create different worlds. Each world has its own mythology and system of justice, physics, magic and most importantly characters. My worlds can be like my own, with roads, street signs, buildings and large populations of society. They can also be vastly different, magical guardian beings, a lake that resembles the night sky, and a waterfall with the colors of sunset. These are the worlds I create ti get away from it all. Some are governed by music while other worlds exist from my memories granted a rebirth on the page.
Some of the worlds I create can be based off of places I've visited or seen in movies. I also have a few worlds based off of video games and only one that is based off a book I read. Dreams inspire the details I add to each small town, county, park or city I write. This is not the only thing I love to create.
I also like to write songs and sing them. This is a different creative activity but it often ties into something I want to write. It could be the lyrics, the sound or even the feel of the song that adds inspiration to my writing. I also like to practice piano and learn some of my favorite songs while I try to make up new ones.
I love to create collages as well. Putting many pictures together and adding a mystic or fairytale-like theme can be a fun way to show appreciation for books, movies and TV shows I enjoy. Photography and Scrap-booking are also hobbies I enjoy. It's similar to decorating which I always do to cool off some steam. SO I guess to answer this prompt. . . I love creating a lot of things: stories,worlds,songs,poems,music, scrapbooks and decor.

Monday, February 21, 2011


Amrita means immortality and is also the name of the nectar of the gods. Just recently I watched the Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles Movie and loved the song at the end of the film. I looked it up and was surprised to find that the song talked about Sanskrit mythology. The nectar of the gods is actually in a lot of different mythologies, including Greek and Egyptian. It is also Buddhist and Tibetan and relates strongly to Ambrosia. I made this collage to show the Amrita of Tsubasa. Hitsuzen lives on.

A gentle rain falls
Mirroring time
Revealing life
In all its forms
Taking form
A spiritual climb

Just for fun: here's the song:

And the Japanese lyrics with the English Translation:

Original / Romaji Lyrics English Translation

Kikasete natsukashii uta wo
tooku de kuchizusande
seinaru mitsu no you ni yume no you ni
sono naka de nemurasete

Listen and you can hear the distant sound
of someone humming a familiar song,
like sacred nectar, like a dream
Let me sleep surrounded by it

Doushite sekai wa sakasa ni muryoku ni nagareteku no?
itsuka mita akane kumo
soba ni irenai sono kawari ni

Why is the world being washed away in contradictions and helplessness?
At sunset,
we always watched the madder-red clouds together
but you can't be with me anymore

Gin-iro no ame ga futte kitara watashi da to omotte
namida wo fuite

When the silver rain began to fall, I thought that it was a part of me
and I dried my tears

Massugu ni hada ni ochiru ryuusei
furitsudzukete sono kata ni amurita

The shooting stars that rain straight down
on your body, on your shoulders, are amrita

Daichi ga naite iru yoru wo
kanjiru kokoro de ite
anata no kizuguchi ga itamu nara
sora ni negai no yumiya wo utsu

Your heart can feel the nights
when the earth itself is crying
If your wounds are hurting you,
shoot your wish as an arrow up to the sky

Gin-iro no ame ga futte kitara watashi da to omotte
jikan wo tomete

When the silver rain began to fall, I thought that it was a part of me
Please stop the passing of time

Chiheisen hibiki wataru shizuku
tashika na mono
ano hibi ni amurita

The sound of raindrops echoes across the horizon,
something definite that,
in those days, was amrita

Gin-iro no ame ga futte kitara watashi da to omotte
namida wo fuite

When the silver rain began to fall, I thought that it was a part of me
and I dried my tears

Massugu ni hada ni ochiru ryuusei
anata ni furu ame ni naru amurita

Shooting stars cascade straight down
and become the rain that falls on you... amrita

Thursday, February 17, 2011

A step in the right direction (Step 4)

"Keep Moving Forward" from Meet the Robinsons and Walt Disney

It's one of the simplest quotes, and yet it really sticks in my brain. This is mainly because in a lot of ways, I'm still living in the past. I'm also one of those people who is really hard on themselves. I often tell myself that failure isn't an option. But, this is no way to view life. You can't live in the past, because things and people change. You may have a goal that was inspired by the past, but that goal can become so much more in the future. Lewis learns this when he decides to create a family of his own, instead of clinging to the one memory he has of his mom, dropping him off at the orphanage. By clinging to the past, Lewis becomes frustrated with failure and stops living in the present or future. His focus blocks him from achieving his full potential. I feel like I'm in that spot right now. Frustrated with failure, I convinced myself that I didn't have the ability to get out of my rut. But this isn't true. If I believe that I won't be in the same spot in the future, I can gain the courage to believe in myself and make the journey. As the movie recommends, I have to "let go of the past, and keep moving forward".If you always focus on the bad stuff, you can't put enough energy to look forward and discover what you're capable of. Lewis learns that he has a bright future ahead of him when he meets the future family he becomes a part of. So that's my major goal: "to get out of the past and look to the future". Every time I feel down or as if I'm not moving, I will tell myself "Keep Moving Forward".

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A step in the right direction (Step 3)

"It's not a question of can or can't. There are some things in life you just do." Lightning FFXIII

A lot of trouble can be caused by believing you can't do something, when the truth is, you won't. Every time I feel I can't do something, I remember this quote from Lightning when Hope says he can't face his situation. Light tells him that his words are simply an excuse to run from his problems. Trying is one thing, while accomplishing is another. There are some things in life you can only learn by doing them, instead of telling yourself you can't. A great example is telling yourself you can't face your fears. How do you know? You won't until you try. So every time I tell myself, or anyone else that I can't do something, I need to replace the word with won't. There's also another lesson in this quote. Thinking about something all the time doesn't solve the problem. The inaction of thinking can cause someone to analyze instead of take action. Maybe there are moments you just do something without thinking, and see where your action takes you.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A step in the right direction (Step 2)

"When the winds of change blow towards you, close your eyes and let the breeze blow through your hair."

Acceptance is the key to change. Accepting that change happens is a step towards facing a fear, or moving past the self-made prison that confines you. Accept that things will change, including yourself. You don't have to be afraid of the same thing for the rest of your life. And, you don't have to be stuck in a rut. You can change anything that you set your mind to. Another way to read this quote is, "take a break when you're overwhelmed". If things feel too stressful or if you can't understand what's going on around you, don't think about it for a while. Just take a moment or go somewhere quiet and relax. Change can be good, and healthy in life. it has a purpose, to keep things moving. Maybe a push out of the comfort zone isn't a horrifying thing. Maybe you need that push to learn something. So another step I'm taking to understand and eventually face my fear, is accepting that things change. There will be moments I won't be strong enough to handle things on my own, so I will need to change in order to grow. I will also take little breaks now and then to accept the way things are. I will make a conscious effort to just be, and let the wind blow through my hair. A simple pleasure in a complex world.

Monday, February 14, 2011

A step in the right direction (Step 1)

To start of my positive thinking week, I will begin with a quote from a movie I enjoy, Penelope.

"It's not the power of the curse. It's the power you give the curse."

It's interesting how true this is. When you build something up in your brain, and refuse to face it, the thing you avoid only becomes more terrifying than it actually is. I guess I could use Splash Mountain as an example. The more I built up that awful drop in my mind, the more I refused to go on the ride and continued to run from it. Splash Mountain is not the only thing I have done this with, but there is a solution. The thing to fear is only as terrifying as you let it be. If you convince yourself the outcome will be horrible, you also create a self fulfilling prophecy. Today, I really thought about what I'm afraid of. If I ask myself whether or not the thing I fear is so scary, the answer is no. My fear is an abnormal one, and it's consequences have left me in quite a rut to get out of. So I believe the first step is to ask yourself whether or not your fear is justified. How much power have you given your curse? This is the first step to facing that fear. How scary is it really when you don't think about it all the time, or let it have power over you. Penelope was able to overcome her curse by not viewing it as a horrible thing, maybe the same approach can be used with fear.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Life is about dancing

Some songs stick with you throughout your life, and they never get annoying or old. This is one of those songs for me. Every time I decided to sit back and not do anything risky, my dad would tell me to think about this song. That practice has stuck with me and I still think on ways I can really start living. The message is incredibly powerful. You always regret the things you don't do. Those leaps of faith that you decide to skip out on. But there is real truth in the fact you never regret when you dance.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Writing Prompt 12

Prompt: How have you changed recently?

I have changed in a lot of ways over the past few years. I've learned that only you can change your circumstances, and it all starts with a new mind set. I'm not as shy as I believed I was. When I feel confident enough and when I feel comfortable to voice my opinion, I will say it. I may move slower than most people. I go at my own pace and learn from experience. I've developed my own style and personality over years that includes a lot of Disney, Final Fantasy and Anime. (You could say this hasn't been a change in me since my constant Sailor Moon and Cardcaptor Sakura haircuts in the past. It just went from Anime to Final Fantasy hair styles.) I've become more confident in certain aspects of my life. I now understand my major goals; to write and publish a novel, and to create a CD. I have the motivation to go after these things. Slowly, day by day I grow more independent and confident. I now own two pet fish. I can also write a two to three page essay with no problem. I cherish memories of people who have passed on in my life. I've learned how to manage money. I'm starting to learn what it means to live. All these changes are probably only the beginning. I still have a long way to go, but slowly and surely. . . I will get there.

"So much has happened. And I'm sure it's only the beginning. Through the smiles and tears, through the anger... and the laughter that follows... I know that I'll keep changing. This is my story. It'll be a good one."
Yuna- FFX2

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

True Strength

It lies not in anger
It lies not in pride
The true and real power
Is much easier to hide
Once life begins
From the very start
True and real strength
Lies in the heart

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Writing Prompt 11

Prompt: Close your eyes and write about what immediately pops in your head.

Pink petals
Fall softly
Spring's own snow
Covering the grass
Wind swirls the trees
Blooming into rows
Of pink and brown
Streaks of sunshine
Peek through clouds of
White and Gray
Going where they may
A calmness in the air
If only I was there
In the quiet recesses of my mind

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Giggles: Moment Mondays

The stage was quiet. I stepped up in my black skirt. white button up shirt, bow tie and cummerbund. It was time for me to sing "Reflection" from Mulan. I wasn't really nervous, only excited that I could sing one of my favorite Disney songs and get comfortable on stage again. The music started, and I began to sing, but while I was singing, my mind wandered. I noticed that as I stood in my high hells, my leg was constantly twitching. This amused me and right in the middle of the song, I started to giggle. The situation was so awkward that I couldn't stop the laughter flowing into the mike. I managed to finish the song through the giggles and decided to bow anyway. After the concert, I greeted some confused friends and family. My teacher also came up and asked why in the world I was laughing, and if something on stage caused me to laugh. I told him the truth, and he gave me an odd look. Even my friend told me that she was proud, during the beginning of the song, and confused at the end. It was a memorable moment where I realized that no matter what happened on stage, I would be able to get through it.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


In my hair
On the ground
Swirling white
All around
Brush it
Scrape it
No matter how hard you try
You can't escape from it
Cold and chill
Freeze and spill
Oh if only I could know
The point of constant falling snow

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Charlie St. Cloud (The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud)

This book was a breath of fresh air. It's about a guy named Charlie St. Cloud who can't let go of his little brother. In a near death experience, Charlie is shocked back to life after a severe car accident, in which his little brother Sam dies. Before Charlie is shocked back to life, he makes a promise. He promises that he will always be with Sam, and never leave him. He keeps this promise years later by playing catch with his brother every night and talking with him until day break. The metaphor of Charlie living among the dead by working in a cemetery and talking with his little brother is a powerful statement on grief. The interesting thing about Charlie being able to see his brother, was the fact this ability applied to other people. He would see the dead at their own funeral, and watch them grieve along with their loved ones. The message in this book is very clear, life is short, so live it the best you can. There's also an underlying message about grief. Charlie's grief holds him back from his own life. There's a great quote from the book that really got me:
"Too many good people die a little when they lose someone they love" (Sherwood 267). Charlie's story of death and life is a deep and powerful reflection on the choices and events that determine who we are and how we live. The past is there for a reason, however there is a point where you have to move on, and truly live.
It may seem that the subject of the story is death, but I believe the true subject is life.

Friday, February 4, 2011


What does it mean to truly live? This has been frustrating me beyond belief, and I get more and more annoyed with it everyday. There's this quote in Tsubasa where Sakura's bunny dies, and her father tell her there is no way to bring back the dead. He tells her, "That is why life is so precious. Because you don't have forever to live."
I'm currently reading a book that expresses this quote. Charlie St Cloud is all but dead, holding on to the past and never thinking about the future. I don't really know what the author intends to do so far, except to define what living is. So, what is living? What does it mean to live instead of survive? Why does it drive me crazy that I feel I am not living? It's almost like a box, a giant box that consists of invisible, but stone walls that cover every bit of risk away from the prisoner inside. Then there's this simple feeling nagging in the back of my mind that I'm not doing what I want. Instead, I do what others expect me to do and then I just sit there and wait until my mind bursts and won't shut up when it's time for me to rest. It's almost like I feel alone or stuck in some sort of self-inflicted rut of immobility.
I'm an observer, instead of a doer, and i think I may be starting to realize that I was never an observer. I pretended to be in order to protect myself from risks and stay in a comfortable, but mind numbing, ironic cycle of annoying routines that have nothing to do with me. More and more I stare at the door, window and any possible out from this invisible tower. But what else is annoying me? Why am I always writing question after question and getting more frustrated with every question I can't answer.
So, who am I? And, what do I want? Where do I stand between the wallflower I am clearly not, and the social person I used to be?

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Something Blue 16

The Sapphire

September stone
Awe inspiring blue
Preserver of light
Protecting the true
Hope and healing
Insight from a star's shine
Royalty wears this
Eternal portal to the divine

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
(quote taken from Prince of Persia)

Real Treasure

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Writing Prompt 10

Prompt: My heart sings when. . .

My heart sings when I am singing and writing.
When I sing, I feel more alive and less stressed out by anything I have to deal with in life. Writing is similar to this, but it is a quieter practice. When I write, especially when I am writing stories, I am observing life through someone else's eyes. I suppose I do this because I feel like I am not living enough. I move in a slow but steady pace when it comes to life. My lessons are learned the hard way, and my achievements can only be achieved through persistence and hard work. My heart also sings when I'm having fun. This is a rarity, that usually involves close friends and people I trust. At Disney World and Disneyland, I felt more at home in a positive and encouraging environment.Only in a relaxed and comfortable situation can I truly let loose and enjoy the moment. Music can make me feel more calm, serene or even lively depending on the type I listen to. In truth, my heart sings when I feel I'm in a sanctuary. This doesn't happen often, probably from my own insecurities, but when it does, the moment lasts for only a little while. I have yet to find what truly makes my heart sing on my own. But, among family and close friends, I am less motivated to hide in a shell. So my heart sings when I sing, when I write and when I'm around people I can truly trust.