Wasted Energy

The sad truth is that I have spent the majority of my life wasting time and energy on people who will not even waste time or energy on me. They won't listen, won't understand and absolutely refuse to face the truth that they have shoved at me for more years than I would ever admit. So I'm done. 

There is no point in worrying, caring and even getting angry at the unfairness of my situation, and the fact I talk to brick walls. So I have decided to put my energy in far more important things. Pursuing my dreams, learning how to be myself and discovering where I belong. 

Maybe if I take the energy I waste everyday (worrying about the future, worrying about people who  don't worry about me, getting angry at the injustice of my situation, and being terrified of the result of their actions) and use that energy to get out of this situation, and find a people that don't drain me dry, I will be a happier person.  

It's funny how protecting yourself, especially from reality and having to accept things that other people refuse to acknowledge  becomes a difficult obstacle. But the people who tell you that clearly don't care about you. Wouldn't they want you to protect yourself? To be happy? To feel safe?

So I'm clearly on my own in this situation, and I have no choice but to accept it and move on. Well fine. 

From now on, I will focus on the things I care about, and the people that actually care. Listening, trying to understand and actually caring are important details to notice when forming friendships and consulting family. If it's not there, move on.

Ripples in Time

The rain falls.

Pit pat. Pit pat.

I listen with weary ears, wondering about the world. Wondering if people leave prints on each other's hearts like ripples in the rain. The strange effect that one drop makes as it lands in a rainstorm. Are we all raindrops looking for a place to land? Do we choose where we land, or is that left up to fate? Of course you can't do nothing. Life rewards those who act upon their dreams and goals. But the things that matter, life and love. Can we just let things happen? Go with the flow? Is it okay to just be for a while. Not worrying where you are, or who you'll be with in the future. Or whether someone will appear in your future who has been in your past? 

The thunder rumbles.

A soft roar that echoes in the gray sky. 

Maybe it's best to just allow things to happen. To believe that if something is meant to be it will be. Shall I leave the world up to the rain, and let the drops fall where they may? What good is worry if I can't control what happens? What good is frustration if there is nothing I can do. Celebrating what is now should be important, even when it is not where you want to be. And maybe people cope with the deeper questions by allowing the world to work its wonders. 

Perhaps I should just allow the raindrops to create ripples in time.