On Endings and New Beginnings

As the time for me to leave draws near, I'm already wishing many other people well on their new chapters. 

Before you say goodbye, there's this moment where you run through all the happy memories in your head, and even if you're not saying goodbye for good, it's a melancholy moment. I've met so many people this year. I've reconnected with old friends, made new friends and I've learned so many valuable lessons. Several of my friends are beginning their own adventures all over the world, and some of my friends have already reached stepping stones in their life that I can't even begin to comprehend. 

The beautiful thing about life is that despite differences, distance and perspective, people are ever changing and the world is always changing around them. At work, I'm leaving alongside many other travelers and adventurers. Several of my friends are leaving as well, off to new exciting adventures all over the world.  It's times like these when Kingdom Hearts goes through my head. It's a quote from Kairi that says it all. "There are many worlds, but they all share the same sky. One sky, one destiny." 

It's funny how much you think of people when you're away from them. I'm so blessed to have all these people around me, and I know that their lives are wonderful stories filled with ups and downs. I only hope that my story continues to be connected to theirs', and as all these new chapters begin, we will never forget each other. 

Holiday Reflections

Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays, and when I look back on my life, it's the holiday that I remember most out of my past years. 

My family had a tradition to go on a sixteen to seventeen hour road trip to go see our family in Louisiana. Sometimes the road trip was nice, and other times we drove each other crazy, but I loved being on the road, listening to everyone's favorite music, sharing jokes, and telling stories. I also loved the anticipation to get to my aunt's house and enjoy the weekend with shopping, the traditional movie and the big Christmas dinner. 

Over the years, these traditions changed. 

At the Disney World college program, my room mates and I pitched in together for a big christmas tree, and bought each other presents and ornaments. We all had to work on Christmas Day, but after work we met up and watched the Disney Holiday fireworks. I'll never forget that day. 

At UNC, we divied up the Christmas shopping, and sat around the Christmas tree opening presents from each other while baking cookies and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. 

I remember Christmas at my Uncle Huey's house, surrounded by Barbies and Comics, deep into a philosophical discusion about the makings of religion. I remember the fancy dinners we had in the secret  dinning room through the library at my Grandfather's house, just talking about how nice it was to see everyone, and trying new fancy foods.

The Christmas snow at my Grandmother's house with my cousins building snowmen on top of their cars is a funny memory where the winner had to grab the biggest shovel to knock it down before they could drive back home. 

I remember attending the Christmas mass with my aunt and cousins, standing in a church I hadn't visted since we moved to Colorado. 

Over the years, some traditions have changed. We haven't done the big family road trip in a while, but we still buy a new ornament every year, and put Dad's origami ornaments on the tree. We still buy christmas gifts from the King Soopers tree and have fun shopping for nice toys and clothes to give to the families that can't afford a fancy christmas. 

Some my favorite traditions that have carried on over the years are:

Receiving gifts from my favorite fictional characters. (Gandalf gave me the Evenstar necklace when I was in High School) 

Buying a new christmas ornament every year

Sleeping in on Christmas Morning

Giving the dogs their christmas gift. (Haley would always just stick her nose in the bag and try to get the treats at the bottom. Dingo just rips the tissue paper and goes for the gold)

Having Christmas breakfast, and watching Christmas films with the family. 

What are your holiday traditions? Do you have some favorite holiday memories over the years?

What really matters

I learned a valuable lesson today. It's better to be honest right away than let things build up in your mind. I'm so lucky to have wonderful friends and family who understand when I'm being ridiculous and who encourage me to be upfront and honest. 

I have this really bad habit of viewing everything negatively. It's a pain, and more often causes more problems than I know how to deal with. But I'm working on what I can do to break this habit, and to just enjoy life more, than constantly expect negative outcomes and always be on my guard. 

Believe it or not, always being negative saps a ton of energy, and often makes small things seem huge in your eyes. I'll admit that this is one my faults, to blow things out of proportion and let them sit there, unresolved until I eventually blow up.

It's not one of my best qualities, and certainly not one of my favorite things to admit. But I find that the more I face my faults, and the more I do to improve them, the less energy I waste and the more I can enjoy the things that really matter in life.  

LBD 30 day challenge day 12: Favorite friendship

Charlotte Lu and Lizzie Bennet. These two have a powerful friendship that faces the ultimate trial when Charlotte moves away, but once Lizzie visits Charlotte, it was like their big fight never happened. These two have been through a lot throughout the series and they are always there for each other when they are needed most.

Writing Prompt 46: 10 line poem

 (picture by http://bookhangovers.tumblr.com/)

Prompt: Write a ten line poem

Quiet is louder than conflict.
It cuts through like a knife.
No communication.
No understanding.
Nothing.
Just Silence.
Nonexistence.
It is a void.
A giant hole that demands to be filled.
With something . . . anything.

Kingdom Hearts Challenge Day 30: What Kingdom Hearts means to you

Kingdom Hearts is one of the first games I got for Play Station 2. I actually started the series by playing Chain of Memories, and even without understanding what was going on, the game was fascinating to me. There are so many conflicts: Dark vs Light, Brain vs Heart, Courage vs Fear. It's a complex story that goes deeper into the meaning and reason for emotions. What does a heart mean? Is the brain always in conflict with the heart? And so on.
Kingdom Hearts means a lot to me. Not just because it is an amazing story, but it takes you through Disney worlds and brings back childhood memories while introducing characters that you know from other Final Fantasy games. The main characters are very well created, with realistic inner conflicts and responses to philosophical tests and questions. Sora is a character who focuses on the heart, always there for others when they need him. Riku is a character of the mind, focusing on plans and questioning the world. Kairi is a mix between the two. She is a character of support and hope, always there when Sora and Riku need her. Roxas is an interesting character, curious, pensive and also brave. Namine is quiet but clever, finding ways out of the trap she's in and rescuing others from nonexistence.
The story that started it all, Birth by Sleep was a tragedy between three wanderers. Aqua, the responsible, brave and loyal keyblade master. Terra, the rebellious and brave warrior. Ventus the incomplete but kind and curious drifter. When Terra falls to darkness, the tone of the game changes. This is different than when Riku fell to darkness, allowing Maleficent to teach him how to be evil. Terra makes an active decision, even after witnessing what darkness does, and betrays his master, Erauqs, and his friends. Ventus's story is the opposite, he must confront darkness and subdue it with light. Ventus faces Vanitus, his shadow and fights to regain control of his body. Aqua must face the rift and mend it, using what strength she has left after battling Terra and protecting Ventus. All three wanderers were separated and lost the ultimate battle to darkness.
Each Kingdom Hearts story is a clever allegory about the human condition. Roxas asks the very common, "Who am I?" and "What is my purpose?". Sora looks for hope, wherever he can find it, even with his world destroyed and friends scattered. Ventus must battle his shadow, common in the hero's quest and many other stories.
Kingdom Hearts is a powerful collection of epic and human stories. It is the infinite battle of Good versus Evil, and the human condition of purpose and meaning. It is a philosophical story disguised as an epic journey, involving the characters from childhood memories and the warriors of Final Fantasy stories today. It's a story that means a lot to me, and with each new game, I discover something new about fears and dreams.

Serious

Prompt: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind?

The one thing I would change about myself is how serious I am. I'm always on my guard, at work, at home and of course every where else.  I know it is a choice I made long ago. I decided to always be on my guard, decided to be serious. It's an unconscious shield. It goes up during the slightest hint of chaos or change.  It's the one thing that people probably don't like about my personality. But I will admit that I do have times where I wish I could live in the moment.
Worrying is a curse, and it's almost a default of mine.
I isolate myself due to worry, anger, sadness and pain. It's my fault I know, and I also know that it drives people crazy.
I think too much, and I'm always in my own world. So if I could change something about myself, I'd let go of this shield. I might regret doing that currently. Maybe now isn't the time to be selfish, do what I actually want to do, or forget for a while the role I have forced myself to believe I must act in.
It's not something I'm used to. Letting go.
But maybe if I did, I'd have more fun. I'd be able to function in a normal setting without acting abnormal. Would I be more confident? More strong? Would I know that life is meant to be lived? Would I understand that worry is a giant boulder you put on your own shoulders. Would I be able to make the climb for what I want.
I do hold on to dreams, so maybe that's a step in the right direction. I don't want to be isolated. I don't want to be in pain, or sad constantly. Honestly . . . who does?
The truth is, I'm terrified to let go, and jump into the unknown.
Luckily I have two great friends that do their best to make sure I join in on the fun :)

Nostalgic Song: For Good

My Mom and I went to see Wicked and when the actresses sang this song, I couldn't help but remember all the wonderful people I knew, and who knew me at one point. The lyrics really say it all. Sometimes people come into our lives for a reason, and give us something to learn about life and ourselves. I dedicate this song to my Disney friends, from both Walt Disney World and Disneyland. Without them, I wouldn't be as strong as I am today. I wouldn't have discovered that there were people just like me, and it was okay to be who I am. I also dedicate this song to my two best friends Becca and Miriam. Without them I wouldn't have believed in myself through my darkest times. All these people came into my life and changed me for good.

The Friendship Coupon

This is a coupon that never expires. It is a guarantee, one-hundred percent, that I will be there whenever you need me. Even if I don't pick up right away; even if we're in a fight; even if I grow immature or angry. I will still be your friend, and no matter where you are, I will think of you. So, on those days where work is rough, life is hard, or you just want a break from the world, even if you don't feel like talking, know that I understand and I will do my best to help you. Because you have done so much for me, and I would not be who I am without your support. So, if you need a friend and I'm far away or in my own self exile, this coupon is a simple reminder that you are not alone in the world.




I dedicate this coupon to all my friends. Without them, I don't know where I would be today, and I know for a fact, I wouldn't have had so much fun :)


Why I wrote this: When you spend some time with friends who have been far away, and almost live in a different world, you want them to be content and satisfied with the life they're living. You feel a bit strange when it's time to go, because it doesn't hit you until the moment you're back home. All the while, during the moments you spend with them, you want to make the most of it, but you also realize you aren't perfect. This feeling teaches you a lot about who you are, and what type of life you're living. These thoughts drifted in my head on the last day of my week vacation.

The Tale of the Castle Festis

One day, the three creators decided that a beach would not be complete without a castle. One of the creators, master of water, had never made one before. The masters of fire and earth were shocked to hear that their fellow creator was inexperienced in castle making. They set off to collect their materials to build the great castle Festis. They found a plastic fork, stick, broken pink shovel, wooden chef spoon, pink shoe, piece of wood and a Styrofoam cup. And thus, the great castle Festis was built.