I'll admit that I'm always in a hurry, and I'm always giving myself deadlines, goals to meet and I'm pretty much my own worst critic. I hardly ever stop to smell the roses. I notice them, admire them from a far, but then I'm on to the next task. It's easy to get caught up in the rush of a daily schedule from work to play. Many people get stressed out during vacations- and it's easy to get caught up in the fray.
One of the things I must practice is appreciating the here and now, the present moment.
This is essential for a writer, observer and an artist. Part of art is getting caught up in the moment, whatever that moment may be.
It's one way to feel grateful for what's around you. It's a different perspective.
Is it easy? No. It's very difficult because most everyone is doing the same thing- complaining, rushing from one place to the next. And yes, I've done my fair share of complaining, but sometimes the healthier and happier choice is to appreciate the here and now.
This is a tough one. Faith is a complex matter, and it's never truly the same process for anyone, because we all have different perspectives.
Truth be told, I haven't had faith much lately.
But I did.
It's similar to that moment when you're a child. When anything is possible. I used to imagine that all kinds of amazing things could happen.
I used to believe in magic.
When I was little, I played this game, similar to Alice's beliveing in impossible things, where I could do anything, and I could be anything.
Maybe that's when my admiration for specific characters started.
I never picked one trait, or one ability. I simply picked a character, and I pretended that I was them.
This was different from dressing up though. I didn't have a costume.
I had long hair, and my hairstyle was Sailor Moon's everyday. I believed that Sailor Moon was an incredible and admirable hero. And I could be just like her.
I would pretend that I had powers, and that a black cat with a moon symbol on her forehead everywhere I went. Sometimes my firends would join in, or we'd roleplay. Disney characters, Sailor Scouts, even Pokemon were our inspiration.
I would fight "battles" in the school yard with my powers, posing just like Sailor Moon and believing that I had the power to conquer anything.
I may not have realized it then, but back when I was a little girl, I had faith in myself. I believed in the impossible, and I enjoyed the challenges that I faced everyday.
Somehow, along the way, as I got older, and faced obstacles, difficult truths, losses, and challenges, I began to tell myself the opposite.
I began to say that I couldn't do things, couldn't be things. I said things like, "I'm not smart enough,"
and "I'm not pretty enough."
Instead of the hero, I became the villian, and I talked myself down for years and years.
I had lost faith, in myself, and in the world around me.
I had put myself in a position where everything felt impossible, and no one could convince me otherwise.
And yes, I believe in God. I prayed, and I waited, but for me, no answer came. I was lost. And worse, it was my own fault.
I had built a barrier and blocked out an important element in my life: faith.
Now, faith doesn't solve your problems, but it is an important part of self confidence.
In order to do something, you must believe that you can. If you don't believe, then you never try. It's a viscious cycle, and it's pretty common in phobia's and depression.
I went to the Disney College Program and I restored some of that faith, but I still doubted, still belittled and at times I even bullied myself out of doing things.
Now, I loved Disney, and I still do. What I loved most about it was the atmosphere, so positive and uplifting. So accepting and inspirational.
When I went to work, I felt like I was doing something, making a difference and helping people do one of the most important things imagianable, finding some magic in their life.
I started writing stories at the Epcot center after work, taking the bus straight there and staying for the fireworks at either Fantasmic or Magic Kingdom.
I started to believe that I had a purpose.
But somehow, that faith in myself and belief in the possiblity of the world dwindled during college and after it. Because I'm stubborn, I haven't given up, but I don't feel that same joy or purpose that I once had.
I'm sure that Disney had a lot to do with it, but it was my mindset too. I wasn't beating myself up anymore. I was trying new things, meeting cool people and finding inspiration. I went through the same pattern in South Korea. At first, I was right back in that rut, but then as I pushed myself to explore the cool places and get out there to meet new people, I discovered that purpose and joy again.
I think I can argue that this year has been a trying time for me, and I've been going back and forth from what I call hopelessness to stubborn optimism.
It hasn't been easy to stay hopeful and to have faith in myself. Many events happened that made me angry and frustrated. There were times that I just wanted to shout "Why!" but, of course, there was no answer.
I am a deep thinker, and I do believe that some things happen for a reason, but I am not sure how I would define faith.
Some would define it as a belief in a higher power, which I have.
Some would say it is a blind trust in the world, which I don't have.
Despite my happy demeanor and my love of Disney, it has been incredibly difficult to trust the world blindly. In many ways, I am terrified to do so.
I've heard success stories from people at TED, and even script writers, actors and musicians. I know that all of them have taken that big step, that blind leap forward and put their faith in the world and themselves.
For some reason, I have been hesitant to do that.
Taking risks is a scary thing, especially in making life decisions that involve money and time.
Risk is something you take everyday just by living.
One of the things I hear people say about the immportant things in life is that there is no guarantee. Yet, people go forward anyway. And maybe faith is what they have.
Maybe they have the faith in themselves to get by. Maybe they have the faith that the world will not slap them in the face or leave them penniless.
Or maybe they are simply brave enough to take the risk.
Faith is a choice to take a risk. we take risks believing that they will work out somehow, or that our time and effort will come to fruition. Faith is believing in the world and yourself. Hoping for the best, and believing in your own ability to get through obstacles. Faith is a gut feeling that it will all be okay. Faiith is a word that represents the courageous act of living. To hope for the best, even during the worst times. To believe that whatever you're going through now will have its value and meaning later.
Grief. It's something that no one likes to talk about. I took a class on it years ago, and I learned a lot. But the most powerful image of grief came to me as a scene from Avatar the Last Airbender, and it has stuck with me ever since I first saw it on the season two finale.
This moment has stuck with me, because I have lost many people in my life, and I'm not really sure that there is a great way to handle any of those situations.
Grief is a complex thing, and no one handles it the same way. There are stages, but there are also defenses, coping mechanisms and flat out denial.
For me, I would like to believe that love is never gone, even when the person has moved on.
As Guru Pathik tells Aang, "Love is a form of energy."
I lost my uncle today. But I have many fond memories with him, and those memories will always be there. The most important thing is, I was able to talk with him, and I have seen him happy and alive.
Am I okay? No. But I don't need to be. He was my uncle, and I miss him.
I will always remember his animated personality, and his love of comics, cards and collectibles.
My uncle gave me my favorite pokemon card for free when I was seven!
He was always talking about super heroes, comic books, Magic cards and video games.
I watched the last Lord of the Rings movie with him, and we had a fun philosophical conversation about what the future will be like. We talked about Final Fantasy, Middle Earth, and Harry Potter.
These memories are things I treasure, and I will never forget the details of where, when and how they happened.
Grief is necessary. It's not fun, and it's not considered a brave or strong act, but I believe it is.
I believe that it is important to honor the connections that we have. It's one of the things that make us human. To go through grief, no matter how big or small is a brave act. Because you lived. You shared moments with the person that is gone. And those moments alone are precious.
If it didn't matter to you, it wouldn't hurt. And because it does, that hurt is a blessing, because moments spent with other people are part of living. Each moment is special, and the fact that you had those moments with them, that's what make living worthwile.
So I will remember my uncle today, and I will write something for him.
Well, it's anything that seems to be an obstacle in your path. Anything challenging to you that makes you think, and any sort of change that is not easy to adapt to.
Every protagonist faces adversity, whether it's a difficult choice or a looming monster challenging them to battle.
So what do you do, when a monster is staring you in the face? Do you run? Do you challenge it? Or do you pretend it isn't there?
Many people deal or don't deal with adversity in many ways. Some people judge others by how they deal with adversity.
But why is adversity so important in stories? Because adversity is important in life.
The way a person deals with adversity, and the way they choose to reflect on it really can make a difference in the way they live their life, and how they view it.
I'm going through adversity myself, but it may not seem serious: instead it's a bit embarassing. I almost accepted a false job. So I was scammed. What was the first thing I did? Did I rise up and say no? Did I make a decision right away?
No. I panicked. I began to say horrible things to myself ("You were an idiot." and "You let this happen.")
But did that help me deal with the adversity? Absolutely not.
It's normal to be overwhelmed when adversity rears its head, but it's not healthy to determine that it is your fault. This is a natural response, but it doesn't do anything for you.
Sure you can complain, vent, and blame others, but that still doesn't work.
So how do you handle a difficult situation?
One way to handle it, is to accept it, and use it.
This way is not often taught in schools, or even in everyday media. But the thing about accepting adversity is that you can find meaning in it. That meaning becomes a part of who you are.
It's like leveling up in video games, and the hero's path in novels. Every conflict you face is a part of your story, and your journey. Each conflict is a step toward finding who you are, and just how far you can go.
Now, my brush with adversity is minor compared to others.
My brother has Autism. And I can't tell you how many times my brother, my family and I were judged, ridiculed, and ignored because of it.
We live in a society where different is often ostracized. And now that Autism is becoming more recognized, and less "abnormal" future Autisic children will never have to deal with some of the ignorance and indifference of the school systems that we did.
But that's not the point.
The point is, my brother struggles with things that are not a struggle to other people. And because of this, he believes that he will not succeed in living a normal life.
His adversity is a constant battle with acceptance, and just as we all struggle to accept ourselves, so my brother deals with outward and inward ridicule.
I learned a lesson while working in Korea about the response that kids had to adversity.
In my students' cases. Many of them didn't want to learn English. But when I reasoned with them, and agreed that English was difficult, but I believed they could learn it: things changed.
Did I have to do this? No. But I did, because I understood that when you are faced with adversity, the last thing you want to be told is "you can't". I was offered no guidance, and no extra counseling with these students, but through daily encouragement and positive feedback, they got better.
Now, we're all human, and no matter what problem we face, people will tell us to deal with it, but maybe that's just another way to call it a burden or obstacle.
Instead, you can think of adversity as a tool.
As Aimee Mullins explains in this video: instead of asking "How can I get around this?" we can ask "What can I do with this?".
Seeing adversity, difficulty and even failure as a step toward self discovery may be just the perspective that inspires you to use it. Adversity is the opportunity to write your own story.
I learned an inportant lesson today, going to my physical therapist to fix my finger. No matter how much effort I put into something, it won't change right away.
Things take time. Healing takes time.
It's a series of actions and reactions. But it's a balancing act between work and rest. Work too hard and you have no energy. Rest too long and you make no progress.
I found that this is true of many situations in life. Getting over fear, for example, or learning how to better care for yourself.
Now I'm not perfect, but I do expect myself to be, and that's the trouble. If I see failure or if I realize that I've taken a step back instead of forward, I panic.
I did that yesterday when I was late meeting a friend, and I was scolding myself the whole way there, until my friend told me that it was okay.
I had never thought to tell myself that. It's okay.
Mistakes are not always failure, and life is unpredictable.
It's important to recognise that you are you, and sometimes you will need things, and sometimes those things will take time.
I had been pushing myself to a ridiculous standard, trying to get my finger to bend properly, trying not to make any of my friends upset, trying to make sure that everyone was happy, that I burned myself out. I needed a break.
This comes from a long habit of feeling guilty for not spending time with my brother in the past, and it evolved into every single thing I did for work, school, and in social situations. It was exhausting.
Because I was so focused on what everyone else wanted, I didn't think about what I wanted, and what I needed. It was this vicious cycle of disappointing myself over and over again, and it became a mindset. At times I still fall into this mindset, and all I manage to do is what I'm trying not to do, upset the people around me.
But getting out of this mindset, and getting out of this habit is going to take some time. There are lessons to learn. I need to communicate things better. I need to recognise my own wants and needs. I need to understand the wants and needs of others. It's a process. It's part of being human.
But today, I made progress, lots of progress and it happened because I took a break, so that was a new experience for me. Breaks are just as important as work. Sometimes all you need is time and patience.
What are some of the most powerful words in the world? The words that make a difference at the end of the day?
"You are".
What comes after these words can make a difference. Whether you say them to someone else, or to yourself.
You are important. You are brave. You are strong. You are able to handle whatever comes your way.
These words work, because we all have egos, and when we hear something positive, even in the gloomiest mood, there's a little more spring in our steps. When we hear something negative, we can react in two ways. We can believe it, or we can question it.
The interesting thing about these words is that we believe whatever comes after them. If we use negative words, then that is what sticks with us, and the same is true about positive thoughts.
It's difficult to change this habit. We hear mean things, we take things personally, and we ignore them sometimes when we're stuck in a rut. But they do have meaning, and they shape our world.
Whatever we believe about ourselves really is important, and it really does effect our work and life. When we say "You are" to someone, what you put at the end can effect how they view themselves, and how they view you.
Some people could look at this post and roll their eyes. I did that, a long time ago, but then I began to pay attention to what I said, what I heard, and what I believed.
It's one step toward self confidence, deciding what you believe about yourself, and believing in others.
Because life is hard. We all have painful memories, obstacles and challenges in our lives, but they don't have to be as powerful as we make them.
Once we create the words after "You are" we are shaping our own reality.
And we can also remember that "You are" is a complete sentence and "I am" is even more powerful.
I have many fears. Some I have conquered, especially in the last two years, but there is one fear, possibly very common, that I still have trouble with.
This fear is deep, going back years ago, even to elementary school, but being a writer, and an optimist, I believe that I will be able to conquer it.
Fear is something that every protagonist must face in stories, from fairytales to novels and movies to T.V. shows. Especially in video games.
Fear can be this obstacle that shows up and challenges you before you're ready.
But, you are always ready, because fear can teach you about yourself, and once you conquer fear, you feel like you can do anything.
I'm working on conquering this fear. And in researching how to overcome fear, I came across this video.
Olympia LePoint is an inspiration. She conquered her fear and learned from it.
She has three steps in reprograming the brain to overcome fear.
The first two are easy, but the last step is the most difficult. Taking action.
This is a powerful speech about believing in yourself, and not letting obstacles prevent you from achieving your goals.
It may take some time, but I will conquer this fear, and one day, I'll look back and be proud of how far I have come.
It's ironic how trapped you feel when you have everywhere to go.
You're so paralyzed by the decision, that you might as well have not made that decision at all.
You're so lost in the "what ifs" and the "why nots." It's hard to listen to your heart. It's difficult to hear what its saying.
Some things feel like be all end all. Some things are easier to push away. And somethings are simply what you believe to be the way things are. It's . . . complicated. Life always is. Life is never this straightforward fairytale or simple fable. You have to untangle the webs of plot twists, confusion and subtext.
You have to make sense of the ups and downs, loss and gains, choices and risks.
It's not supposed to be easy or simple. It's life.
But life can be your own canvas, and you can paint whatever you want on it. You can collect all your happy memories and your accomplishments, and create a work of art on your own.
Of course, not all difficult times are bad. Some make you who you are. Some give you the motivation to move forward.
Sometimes failure is the only way to learn.
Sometimes I forget, how complex and collaborative life can be.
I've been so used to relying on myself for everything, that I've forgotten, it's okay to rely on other people.
This is a lesson I fail to learn over and over again, but maybe this time, I'll get it right. Maybe this time I'll have the courage to listen to my heart and take that leap.
Life is a series of small steps turning into a journey. It's okay to break down. It's okay to be lost, just as long as you keep going.
My adventure in Japan taught me a very valuable lesson. It's really important to accept who you are. Not just in the "I love this tv show and I'm going to let the world know" kinda way or even the "I create my own fashion" way. But there's something to be said in accepting your own insecurities. One of my biggest insecurities was getting lost. I was afraid I wouldn't be smart enough, resourceful enough, and I wouldn't be able to adapt in order to go where I needed to. But I decided to go on this trip, despite my fear, and now I can honestly say that I'm proud of doing so. Maybe fear can be a good thing, if you acknowlegde it. But if you don't want to be afraid, you need to face the fear and learn that it doesn't hold power over you.
So I have faced a fear, and now I know: I can go to places on my own. I can make friends and adapt to my surroundings. I can fend for myself and get to where I want to be.
Facing one fear leads to the ability to conquer fear altogether, and to understand that sometimes fear exists to show us who we are.
Sometimes life will hit you all at once. One thing after another doesn't go as planned. Unexpected events occur and surprising revelations come to you. You're on an unstable path, jumping from one illusion of security to another, all the while trying to accept each situation and be able to move on.
There's a saying: "the darkest hour is just before the dawn." Just when you think all is lost, the light will shine through and show you the way.
This is the point of transition. When things fall apart, it's a sign that things will change. But, if you don't accept or believe things will change, then you will be caught in a cycle of misery and disappointment.
I have to be honest. I'm in this stage right now, and I'm afraid I haven't been able to stay strong, and I haven't been able to deal with anything.
Yes, I still believe in that light, but my path is a mess! I have a lot of choices to make, internal and external. Life is pulling me in all kinds of directions. But I need to be strong. I need to get through this.
I'm sure that there are many people out there who have worse situations than I do, but I also know that I can't hide how I feel or what I need.
This is the point of change, transition, and a defining moment on the hero's journey. It's time to face my dragons head on. Time to get up and move! Time to take charge, and time to discover who I truly am. This is no one's fault but mine.
"Alice, you cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours, because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out alone." - The White Queen
- Alice in Wonderland
When I first saw this film, this scene stood out to me above all others. For years I put pressure on myself, believing that the pressure was from the people around me, but it wasn't. People don't make choices for you. You make the choice yourself. And if you believe that people control you, then you allow them to do so. I have put pressure on myself for too long, and I have not listened to my own heart. I have avoided those important questions : "Who are you?" and "What do you want?".
But it's time to stop avoiding this. It's time to face my own Jabberwocky and make my decision. I will take one step forward, and I will start making my own decisions.
I need to breakaway from the nest. I need to start paying attention to my own heart, and I need to start going after my dream, instead of just talking about it.
No one can help me make these decisions, because these decisions don't affect them. Only I can do this, because when I face my own Jabberwocky, I will face it alone. It's time to be brave, and make the decison instead of run from it.
I found this on tumblr and it wouldn't leave my mind.
We take what speaks to us in the world, and it becomes a small piece of who we are. The stories you love echo through you. The music you love inspires you. What you like, even if a million people also like it, says something about what you stand for, what you appreciate and what you want to offer the world. This is why learning about who you are is important. This is how you choose who you are. You decide what speaks to you, and what you wish to be a part of. You decide what you believe and what you say. This is why all the things you love are so important, because they are connected to your core values and your personality.
I guess it's a late revelation, but I always believed that the self was one set thing you had to find. Now I know that you don't find yourself, you create yourself.
This is why self discovery is the key part of stories.
