Eating Soumen with everyone

I'm currently rereading Fruits Basket, and this quote stood out to me. Like many of the wise advice and statements from the story, it related directly to what I was going through. Something I think anyone can relate to: worrying about the future. Where will I live? What will I do? Where will I go? Who will I be? All this "laundry" was going through my head, drowning me in anxiety and stressing me to the max. It just so happened that I decided to contine rereading Fruits Basket, and I came to this moment where Tohru was doing the exact thing I was: stressing out and worrying about the future. This is another intersting theme in the quarter life crisis as well. We are constantly worried about the future. Acheiving what's expected of us, getting the right job, finding the one, and working our way to the job we want are all thoughts that fill our heads day after day. In my case, I was doing more worrying than planning. I had become very discouraged, with the instability of my future hanging over my head like a giant looming spider, just waiting to strike. It was lucky I decided to try to chill out, otherwise I would have been tripping all over the "laundry" and probably created more. More questions that needed answering, more goals I haven't achieved, more criticisms to burden myself with. So when I came to this moment, it was like an answer to a prayer. This was exactly the piece of advice I was looking for, and even with all these worries hanging over me, I began to understand the phrase "One game at a time." from Wreck it Ralph. 

You can't solve big problems in one big action. There's no washing machine to make the job easier either. Everything that you want to achieve is done through small steps. 

Now, it's not like I've never heard this advice, and it's not like I haven't applied it in a few areas of my life, but I didn't realise just how important this advice is until now. 

Yes, I'm still worrying, but I try to have fun in the mean time: hang out with friends, write, watch a movie and of course plan. Hopefully a little of my problems will drift away as I continue to move forward. 

The thing is, I already understood this quote for the most part. But for me, it isn't easy to "take a break", "watch tv" or "eat soumen with everyone." During those moments, my worries creep up on me, only to attack after the fun is over. 

The other part of this quote was to "live in the moment". Yes, the future is coming, and moving forward is a good thing to do, but if we never "live in the moment", life will fly by and we won't notice until it's too late. 

It's like a day off from work where you feel guilty for not doing any work, when, in reality, you deserved the break. Sometimes "living in the moment" includes patting yourself on the back, looking at all you've accomplished, and being proud of where you are. 

So, I'm adding this quote to my important Fruits Basket tips, and hopefully, if I work at it, I can learn to take a break and just appreciate how far I've come. I've already done some laundry, and soon I'll have an open space to stand, look at the things I've accomplished and be proud of them.

The Quarter Life Crisis

 http://www.ludlowandco.com/2012/08/bookaholics-anonymous/


I think I'm going to give this list a try. I've already read a few books on the list, and who knows, maybe I'll learn something about courage and living. I have heard of the quarter life crisis recently and I didn't take it seriously until now. With everything constantly changing and hardly anything familiar around me anymore, I might be going through this process after all.
In many ways, I feel like I'm left behind, especially in my generation, but I know that if I am, it's my fault. I never truly lived . . . and I still have to push myself to try something different or new. It's a constant struggle, but a personal one. No one can help me with this problem except myself. It's my own dragon, and though I have armor, I don't have a sword to defeat it with. My battle has probably only just begun by realizing what's wrong and what I have to do about it. If I continue to ignore it, or distract myself, it will only get worse. Usually things happen for a reason, and now I have to find out the reason I've been this way, and what I can do to prevent myself from staying this way.The goal is to get out there and just allow myself to be. Not to be torn by indecision, racked with worry or swamped with fear. Negativity is a huge part of this, but there's something else as well, some sort of indifference to myself or maybe even other people.
I'm really bad at this, talking without constantly dreading what I say. Every time I vent I just feel like I'm whining and complaining about something I can't do anything about. Most of the problems and worries I drag around with me are issues I can't change. It's up to other people and it's up to life itself in some cases. So I have my armor, but it's extremely heavy, and I still need to make a sword. This is the part where I feel left behind.
It's probably silly, but I feel like most people my age learned how to make their swords already and they have taken another step. One step I can't understand or define, and they are prepared or possibly they have even won their battle. This sword is probably made by taking a step I can't even think of. It might be something so different and so strange to me that I might not recognize it.
Whenever I talk like this, I guess it sounds like I'm saying my life is more difficult than others, but  I don't see it that way. I understand that everyone has problems and everyone deals with them differently.  I'm just trying to learn how to deal with mine.
Maybe the answer will come tomorrow, or maybe years from now it will suddenly be clear what I need to do, but right now, it's just a mess I stare at day after day. This is no way to live, and it's ridiculous that I am my own worst enemy.
Hopefully these stories, written by people years ago, some living and some gone, will teach me that step. Life is a journey, but in order to journey, you must walk on the path. Stopping midway won't get you anywhere.