For a butterfly . . .

You may be 

small now

but 

do not fret

You just don't

have 

your wings

yet.

Soon you will,

and soon you'll see

the sky is 

the best place to be. 

I know you're scared

I know you're confused.

Maybe even battered,

broken and bruised.

Your time in the cocoon 

is nearly gone.

The time will come

to move on.

And when it does

do not cry

because change

is an opportunity 

to fly. 

Expectations

About a week ago, I thought I had a plan for this year and the next all figured out, but that went up in smoke, and now I'm back to square one. It was jarring to say the least, because well, I like to plan and have that plan follow through. Especially when it comes to career, jobs and long term goals. But life doesn't work that way. It almost never happens the way you expect it. And that is a lesson I have to learn over and over again. 

But just because things didn't happen the way I expected, it doesn't mean I've lost my way. Life isn't a straight path, it's a winding road with failures, obstacles and even mountains standing in the way. 

I thought I was going to be brave, deal with it and move on, but instead I broke down. I was angry and sad for a whole day, feeling sorry for myself, and I was even bitter about my situation. Around 10 o'clock after work, I sat down and wrote everything that I want, long term, and I realized that despite the road block before me, I still hadn't given up, and that has always been my strength in adversity. 

I told a friend a week ago, adversity is my motivator, when things get tough, I get serious and my determination and persistence grows until that mountain is a mole hill, or that tower is a bridge. 

There's a great saying that "things fall apart so better things can fall together." and I still believe that as I type with a lame finger, sore from being broken, and prepare for the next chapter as my time in South Korea draws to a close. Despite all that I faced this year, I was still able to  have fun, do some things on my bucket list, and learn from every mistake I made. That alone is a blessing, and I believe that these moments happened for a reason. 

Maybe there was a reason the job I wanted didn't work out, because now I can make another choice, and choose another path. This path may be better in the long run, and it may lead to the same dream I've had since elementary, to become a writer for Disney. 

I remember a conversation my dad and I had when things didn't work out the way I wanted them too. I was about to graduate College, and a friend had decided she didn't want to be friends anymore, and I was hurt at her sudden outburst over the phone, on my birthday where she told me she hated me and I would never see her again. 

"You need to let go of expectations." my Dad said, "and then you will be a lot happier." 

Expectations are normal, in certain situations, but given all the change and adveristy my family and friends encountered this year, those words echoed in my head. 

Expectations are tricky, and they can get in the way of the journey. That's why traveling is so exciting, because you don't know what you will do next, and if you wing it, you'll be surprised at what you can discover. 

So I'm starting this new chapter with no expectations. Just the hope and faith that things will work out. 

I didn't expect for a job offer to be cancelled after I signed a contract. I didn't expect to get my finger broken while traveling alone. I didn't expect to feel so out of place in my work enviornment, but I am  still standing, and I haven't given up on my dreams. I will find my way if I just keep going. 

Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, but if you keep moving forward, who knows what you'll find. 

 

The Call to Adventure

It's the oldest troupe in the world. The moment when everything changes pulls the protagonist out of the normal everyday routine, and they are forced to make a choice. Do I continue to live my life this way, or do I risk the unknown? Well, the funny thing is, this moment actually exists in real life. Most people recognize them as the midlife crisis, the life-changing decision, and the ever important epiphany. These moments are celebrated in stories, because they are important events in our lives. 

Once we discover that we don't like the pattern of our lives, or the situations we end up in, we realize that something must change. 

Change can be scary, but it can also be exciting. Once you change, or you accept a change, the possibilties are endless. This can be anything from moving away to adapting to a new schedule. Either way, one fact about the world is that change is always happening around us. In fact, stories would be boring and bland without the element of change. 

How many stories have you read where the protagonist stays the same? In most stories, the main character must go through a series of events, many of which that are painful, in order to change their perspective  in the world and what they believe they can do.

But the fact of the matter is, change is crucial to life. It is the ever flowing element that surrounds major events in history, and the entire spectrum of growing from a child to an adult. 

So I'm about to face a major change in my life, but in my opinion, it's a late one: leaving the nest. It's time, and I know it's been time to get out into the world and actually discover what I am capable of. It's time to broaden my horizons and begin a journey I should have begun years ago. But I put it off for one simple reason. I was afraid. Afraid not only of the unknown, but of my ability to handle whatever came at me. I'm still afraid of many things, but I also know that whatever you're afraid of, you will have to face sooner or later. 

So this is my call to adventure, and it's about time I answered it. Whatever happens after this moment is one step on the journey that I will now decide on my own. Yes I have a number of weeks before I leave, but that doesn't mean I should stay the same. 

If I want to be brave, I must act brave. So here I go. I have made my decision, and now there is no going back. 

I will be in South Korea for a year, teaching English. My adventure begins here. 

How to Hurry Up and Wait

So now you've put in that application, done that interview or taken that test. 

Despite how calm you try to be, you get restless, waiting for that call, email or opportunity to knock at your door. Your friends and family have already given you advice. "Hurry up and wait." But what does this mean?

You're in a transition, and taking another step forward in life. How do you deal with waiting?

Here are a few ideas to keep craziness at bay: 

Slow down: Take a walk, listen to your favorite playlist, read a book or just take a few deep breaths. Worrying over things won't make them happen, and now that you've taken the first step, you should take a moment to relax. 

Make some plans: Whether it's in the far future or just next week, planning can calm you down. Instead of worrying about the future, you're mapping it out as best you can.

Have some fun!: Call up a friend and hit the town. Go to your favorite haunts and celebrate! You're allowed to be proud of moving forward. 

Get to know who you are: Ask yourself some big questions, and try to answer them as honestly as possible. You may not have all the answers, but you can discover something new about yourself. 

Try not to expect anything: Don't be too optimistic and don't be too pessimistic. This is difficult on both ends, because it's easy to get caught up in your excitement, and if you're feeling down, it's easy to tell yourself that it won't happen. 

Accept where you are now: You weren't here two years ago were you? You've come far, and you'll go far again. Try to enjoy this time of indecision before life decides for you. What are all the positives in your life currently? After all, they don't call it the present for nothing. 

Whether you're going through a major or minor change, these tips can help you stay on track. 

It's Time

It's time!

To go after that dream. 

To take a vacation. 

To start listening to the heart

without ignoring the head. 

It's time!

To believe you can accomplish

ANYTHING!

To make mistakes

and learn from them.

To start dancing.

To start living. 

To ask, "Why not now?"

To be the best 

at what you know you can be.

It's time!

Go for that dream!

Believe in that goal!

NEVER GIVE UP!

Be a bright light

instead of a shadow.

Be a story

instead of a blank page.

It's time to listen and

time to scream!

Time to dare

and live your dream!

Writing Prompt 57: Why change anything about yourself?

Prompt:  Why change anything about yourself?

If you never change, you will never grow. But if you are going to change, make sure it's for the right reasons. For example, you shouldn't change because you want to please somebody. You should should change for yourself.

Changing is a part of life. Everything changes. It's true, think about it. You're not the same person that you were years ago. You've learned lessons, and you gone through experiences that helped shape who you are today. 

I think that if you change anything about yourself, it should be because it drives you crazy. Like when I decided to change ny routine to overcome my severe shyness. I slowly became more confident around people, and less afraid to show who I was. It was a process, but I don't regret it. I learned a lot from that experience, and I beleive I grew into who I am now, by overcoming that obstacle. 

Change should feel natural and not forced. If someone tells you to change, make sure that you want to change what they are talking about. Are they demanding you change your hobbies? Your appearance? Your atitude? Find out if you want to change, and if changing will benefit you before you change for someone. It's an important lesson. Always be yourself, but if you aren't satisfied with who you are, think of ways to change. 

Change should be a positive thing that helps you grow. Not a forced belief, label or a life plan. Changing for yourself is more important than changing for others. 

Writing Prompt 55: Fall

I knew I would change eventually. It is inevitable. Some look forward to the change, while others rebel against it. Either way, change will happen. First the green fades, and then a dull yellow takes its place. The yellow turns to gold. The gold turns to orange, and the orange eventually becomes red. Fall. Fall takes place, and I will fall, crumpled on the ground. 

Sure, I can worry about the change. I can be angry about it, and think that it isn't fair. My time is ending, but at least I can shine bright. I will be the best green while I can. I will try to turn the dull yellow into a sparkling gold. And that gold will become a red that is almost flaming. I will live before I fall. I will cherish the moments tied to this tree, and I will try to fall gracefully. Maybe I will land on a child's head, or be raked in a pile to create a fragile fort. I could be plastered in a collage, or flatened between the pages of a book. I could be a souvenir of a fall vacation. But until I am left to the mercy of the world, I will be the best at one thing. I will be the best version of me. 

Prompt: You are a leaf, and fall has started. Explain how you feel about this.

Writing prompt 49: What is changing in your life right now?

Everything.
People are not who they used to be. Places are not what they used to be. I'm not who I used to be. My view of the world and people in general changes everyday: Wavering from positive to negative, negative to positive and sometimes even somewhere in between. My entire life is changing from small steps to giant leaps or even giant steps back. My music playlist changes with each song I add to it. My stories change with each sentence I write. My thoughts and actions change with each word I hear.
Change is a constant in life, and I have learned to understand it, but I can't honestly say that I always accept it. When something changes, it is no longer what you've known, and there is fear there. Even good changes like getting a job or applying to writing contests can be scary because you don't know anything about their outcome. You know how hard you worked, and you know what effort you put in to apply, but you don't know what the outcome will be. You can guess, but you could be wrong.
This constant, yet fragmented element of life can come softly, or nearly blow you away. You can be hurt, you can be healed and you can grow. This is really the only guarantee of life. It will change. We take for granted the patterns that we're used to, and once something happens to tip that scale or shake the world you thought you knew, you can only accept it and continue on. But that isn't easy. It could take months or even years before you realize that since your world has changed, you need to change to deal with it. Even after changing you may not accept this. It's a challenge, and not always one that you are prepared for. A therapist will tell you to take your time but make sure you're progressing. A friend or family member will tell you to hurry up before the world leaves you behind. But no matter what they say, you have to look inward and decide what you can handle, and what you can practice until you get it right.
Change is difficult. Change is tough. Change is inevitable.