The Year in Review

This year was filled with lessons, reflections and choices. 

I began the year with my friends in South Korea, norebanging- (karaoke) and finishing my project for my trilogy. 

In January I finished my trilogy- plot wise. 

In Feburary I celebrated Lunar New Year at the Gold Buddha Temple.

I made a wish... 

 and I saw Hong Kong Disneyland! 

I reflected on my life so far at the Lotus statue: 

In March, I focused on my new story based on Cupid and Psyche- I visited a beautiful Buddhist private school with my friend Whitney and drew inspiration for my Korean Fairytale story: 

In April, I explored Jeju island! 

And I saw my favorite flowers: Cherry Blossoms around South Korea! 

In May, I become an Agent of Shield! 

 And I reflected on my experience teaching English in South Korea: 

In June, I visited my friend Becca

 explored San Francisco, 

and I went to Disneyland for their 60th anniversary courtesy of my friend Becca :) 

In July, I went to the Dragon Boat festival: 

Began researching butterflies . . .

And my friend Kim came to visit! We went to a cool Mythology exhibit! 

In August, I did a lot of soul searching, and writing.

September came with many changes . . . 

I lost someone very dear to me . . . 

My Uncle Huey, who loved great stories, comic book heroes, and his daughter Jamie. 

October was a soul searching month as well . . . 

I met some cool people . . . 

I landed a job close to my home away from home: 

I witnessed a beautiful wedding for someone I've known all my life: 

In November I started a new life in a new place: 

Faced some dragons. 

And in December I found the force again . . .

I learned a lot about gratitude

Saw some beautiful things. And hope to be more grateful for each day I have. 

For the new year: 

My resolutions are

1. Publish my novel

2. Practice more gratitude

3. Listen to my heart

4. Never give up

5. Keep Moving Forward

Hitzusen

As many people that know me have said, I am a thinker. I think a lot. About everything. The universe, the world, books, movies, coffee, tea, rain, what to have for breakfast. And my current thought pattern has involved the panic of what to do when my journey in South Korea comes to an end. My long-term goal is a big one, and to be fair, I have made quite a lot of progress in terms of where I want to be financially. It's the process of being an adult. To make these decisions that determine where you will be in life is a daunting and frightening concept. But there are some things in life you just can't control, and worrying doesn't change the situation. 

In talking with a good friend, she brought up this concept called divine timing. Similar to destiny or fate, what is meant to be will fall into place. 

This reminded me of the concept of hitsuzen in one of my favorite mangas Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle by CLAMP.

Hitsuzen is defined as a type of inevitability

Yuuko says hitsuzen is "a naturally foreordained event. A state in which other outcomes are impossible. A result which can only be obtained by a single casuality, and all other casualities would necessarily create different results." 

This is not exactly the same concept as destiny or fate, where regardless of what you do, it will happen. Instead it is the concept that one action is a ripple effect that causes a series of bigger events that will eventually fall into place. 

This is a difficult concept to grasp in a world where most of the things we want are now instantly available. But in terms of career, life and love, I believe that a certain amount of patience is required. 

A while ago, while working at the book store, I found this book about something called the quarter life crisis, and how it effects my generation more than the previous one due to the lack of economic support that twenty-somethings can get. 

Let's face it, most of us recent or even late former graduates are still paying back student loans, trying to go for the job we were promised in college, and meet all of society's demands for what is defined as an adult. 

But life doesn't work that way. Sure there's a path, but it's not straight. It's paved with risks, failures, obstacles and bridges that cross the everflowing rivers of disappointment and sadness that come with the process of achieving a goal. 

Life is full of surprises. Hardly anything goes to plan. But, opportunities come in their own time, and you must be willing to meet them. 

Currently, I'm drifting in this sea of uncertainty, not sure what the future will hold in a few months is something I haven't really experienced before on this grand a scale. 

But I do think there is something to be said about divine timing and hitsuzen. As long as you work towards a goal, and you don't let failure, rejection and criticism stop you, you will reach it. But in the meantime, along the path towards your goal, sometimes you will have to accept the uncertainty and just allow things to happen. 

So I am done with constantly worrying about my future to the point of exhaustion. Everyday I take a small step on a greater journey that I can't predict. But as long as the steps I take mean something to me, and they help me reach the goal I've set, hitzusen will work its magic and I will be there before I know it. 

On figuring things out

A few years ago, I believed that I always had to have a plan, and a set goal to get anywhere in life. 

Of course, these goals are important: they give you something to work for, and a way to find purpose in the world. But the plan is not everything. 

I thought I understood the meaning of the quote that Chong tells Sokka in Avatar the Last Aribender: "I hope you learned a little something about not letting the plans get in the way of the journey." 

But I think I understand his quote better now than a few years ago.

Of course, a plan isn't a bad thing, but it can't be concrete. Life is confusing and crazy. Nothing is set in stone. It's a constant flowing current moving from one moment to the next. Things change. People change. Plans change. 

I learned this through the situations that much of my friends and family went through because of the economy. I even had a deep conversation of that never ending debate money over happiness with my best friend. 

Yes, it is important to be responsible, and it is important to make a living, but it is also important to do the things that replenish our souls. Things that we create, and that we can be proud of when we look back on our accomplishments. 

Because I think way too much, and because I'm way too hard on myself. I focused on the goal, and forgot about the path to get there. 

There will be failures. There will be places you feel like you don't belong. There will be people who don't like you, or who judge you negatively about your dreams. There will be people who say you can't do the thing you've set your heart on. People will be out there, and they will tell you that you can't, but it is up to you to listen to them or continue pursuing what you love to do. 

To be honest, I still don't have it figured out. I'm currently in South Korea teaching English, and I'm torn between going back to the USA to pursue my dream of publishing a novel, and becoming a script writer, or staying here one more year, moving to a different city and allowing myself to try again. 

It's not that I've failed, but it's difficult for me, where I am currently, and while I'm grateful that things have gotten better, I still don't feel like I belong. 

Happiness, according to every book I've rea and every movie I've seen is the key to a healthy and meaningful life. 

No, it doesn't buy you anything, pay off your student loans, or even set up your retirement fund, but it does give you the satisfaction that you did your best at the end of the day. The feeling that life offers you just a little more than you were expecting. 

Happiness is the key. 

And, to be honest, I have a few more months to decide what my next step will be, but I have been so stressed out about this that I've asked everyone around me for advice. 

Sometimes I forget. Life is not a straight path. There are forks in the road, hills to climb, giant boulders that you have to learn how to walk around or over. There are even ruts, and sticky patches of mud and tar that you have to push through at a snail's pace. 

Life in a word is unpredictable. 

But if I choose one path, it doesn't mean I can never choose the other later, or even a better path that could be waiting around the corner. 

As long as you balance your responsibility and your happiness, you will be successful. It is one of the mysterious truths of life. 

So both elements are important. Taking responsibility and finding happiness. But they're not as easy as they seem.

Because we change, what we want can change too, and those wants can leads us down different paths. But regardless of what we choose, it is very important to think of our own health and happiness. 

For me, if I can write, and if I can make a difference (even a small one) then I'll be happy. Disney is the environment I loved in the working world, and the bookstore that I worked at echoed that atmosphere. I like helping others, but I also like the ability and freedom to express myself through writing and using the imagination. 

This is more of a personal entry than a public one, but I wanted to share what I have learned from weighing the options. 

Happiness is very important. So while the months roll by, I will try to decide which path to take, but this time, unlike a lot of decisions I have made, I will focus on what makes me happy.  

The Second Canoe Adventure

Yesterday my parents and I went out for a canoe trip. We went to Rampart Lake, and I realized we hadn't been there since the fire that started near the park last year. We also had Haley at the time, and it was her first canoe ride. 

The weather was fair, and a little cloudy. Traffic on the way wasn't too bad, but when we got there, we discovered that the boat ramp was closed, and the ticket taker told my Dad that we'd have to walk the canoe down to the lake. It didn't seem to be an issue until we arrived at the very crowded parking lot and discovered that the lake was visible from a fairly steep hill and a small hiking trail. Dad parked the car and got out, walking around while Mom and I tried to calm Dingo from the car ride. He returned, telling us that the walk with the canoe was doable, and we did have wheels to help us out. We untied the canoe, strapped to our new Subaru, and fixed from one slip incident on the dirt road, and prepared to make the hike down to the lake. Did I mention it was a narrow hiking trail? We got down the sandy part okay, but then tree roots were stiking out as we got closer to the water. once we reached a tree, with a long trunk stuck in the ground in front of us, the wheels stopped working, and we were portaging a step slippery root maze with a steep, small hill waiting for us. Mom and I had the back of the canoe, while Dad held up the front. Dingo was in the car, just waiting for us to come back and get him. Once we reached those roots, Mom made a noise and I looked up, shocked to see her tumbling down the hill. While both Dad and I asked if she was okay, and the people fishing, who by now probably knew we were crazy for doing this, stared at us, Mom burst out laughing, and appeared to be okay, saying that she knew how to fall. 

Once the excitement was over, Mom went back to the car to get Dingo, and Dad went back to the car to get all the canoe gear and our picnic snacks. 

I have to admit it was a lovely sight, not many boats were on the water, and a nice breeze was blowing subtly through the air. I looked over while Mom and Dad were gone to see a family of five with an inflatable raft, and I couldn't help laughing, realizing how that must have been easy compared to what we just did. But I guess that just meant we were stubborn Goldens. 

Once everything was ready, we shoved off and began our voyage through the lake. Some of the National Forest had burned since our last visit, and one particular hill had green trees on one side, and  burnt wood on the other. The trees were like stick drawings placed on a sky blue background. 

It was nice and peaceful, with barely anyone on the lake, and most of the people were finishing. As we went to the other side of the lake, we stopped, took a snack break and Mom and I took pictures of flowers. Once we got back to the water, is was sprinkling. Not too far from our picnic spot, we discovered a lake, with a bright orange bobber shining in the sunlight. Naturally, we had to explore that, and I suggested we claim it, which Dingo did, and Mom named it Bobber Island. 

We stayed on Bobber Island for a little while, taking more flower pictures and chatting, then we headed out to go to the other side of the lake, where we saw bicyclists, and one even said hi. We also saw a couple with a dog, who threw a stick for the dog to catch, and the dog stared right at us as if to say, "You're already on the water. You can get that for me."

Once the sky darkened with clouds, it was time for the other adventure: getting the canoe out of the water. 

By the time we arrived, we noticed that our "boat ramp" was taken. A blue chair with a fishing pole was right in our way, so we went out and around to find a better option. Only a rock covered shore with big steep steps seemed to be a possibility, so we went back to the clearly unhappy fishers and apologized as we attempted to bring the canoe in to shore. They complained for awhile, but we were busy, taking everything  out of the boat, including the dog, and getting ready for the hike uphill, carrying a canoe. The hike up hill was much more successful than the hike downhill, and by the time we finished, the canoe was next to the car, ready to be lifted back on it, and thunder echoed through the air. It looked like we packed up just in time.

While we lifted the canoe on the top of the car, we saw all the people fishing, including the ones we had disturbed, head for the cars, pack up and drive off. 

All in all it was a successful day, and we spent more time on the lake than the last time we tried to attempt a canoe trip. 

But this is just my side of the story :)

Here's Dad's: http://www.cosmicconservative.com/weblog/?p=10871