Expectations

About a week ago, I thought I had a plan for this year and the next all figured out, but that went up in smoke, and now I'm back to square one. It was jarring to say the least, because well, I like to plan and have that plan follow through. Especially when it comes to career, jobs and long term goals. But life doesn't work that way. It almost never happens the way you expect it. And that is a lesson I have to learn over and over again. 

But just because things didn't happen the way I expected, it doesn't mean I've lost my way. Life isn't a straight path, it's a winding road with failures, obstacles and even mountains standing in the way. 

I thought I was going to be brave, deal with it and move on, but instead I broke down. I was angry and sad for a whole day, feeling sorry for myself, and I was even bitter about my situation. Around 10 o'clock after work, I sat down and wrote everything that I want, long term, and I realized that despite the road block before me, I still hadn't given up, and that has always been my strength in adversity. 

I told a friend a week ago, adversity is my motivator, when things get tough, I get serious and my determination and persistence grows until that mountain is a mole hill, or that tower is a bridge. 

There's a great saying that "things fall apart so better things can fall together." and I still believe that as I type with a lame finger, sore from being broken, and prepare for the next chapter as my time in South Korea draws to a close. Despite all that I faced this year, I was still able to  have fun, do some things on my bucket list, and learn from every mistake I made. That alone is a blessing, and I believe that these moments happened for a reason. 

Maybe there was a reason the job I wanted didn't work out, because now I can make another choice, and choose another path. This path may be better in the long run, and it may lead to the same dream I've had since elementary, to become a writer for Disney. 

I remember a conversation my dad and I had when things didn't work out the way I wanted them too. I was about to graduate College, and a friend had decided she didn't want to be friends anymore, and I was hurt at her sudden outburst over the phone, on my birthday where she told me she hated me and I would never see her again. 

"You need to let go of expectations." my Dad said, "and then you will be a lot happier." 

Expectations are normal, in certain situations, but given all the change and adveristy my family and friends encountered this year, those words echoed in my head. 

Expectations are tricky, and they can get in the way of the journey. That's why traveling is so exciting, because you don't know what you will do next, and if you wing it, you'll be surprised at what you can discover. 

So I'm starting this new chapter with no expectations. Just the hope and faith that things will work out. 

I didn't expect for a job offer to be cancelled after I signed a contract. I didn't expect to get my finger broken while traveling alone. I didn't expect to feel so out of place in my work enviornment, but I am  still standing, and I haven't given up on my dreams. I will find my way if I just keep going. 

Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, but if you keep moving forward, who knows what you'll find.