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Thursday, February 14, 2013

Writing Prompt 50: A time I want to experience again...

The Disney College Program

I really miss my Disney family, co-workers and friends. But it's more than that. The Disney College Program was a big step for me to discover that I was stronger and more reliable than I thought I was. I had a routine: go to work and then pick a place to go after work to write. I came up with two different stories sitting in the Epcot World Tour area, and I would meet up with friends from work and just have fun. I decorated and made meals with my roommates and caught a movie with them every now and then. We'd go through the parks, and they would try to convince me to go on Splash Mountain. We'd work on projects for scrapbooks and go see the places we hadn't covered on our last visit. If we saw each other at work, we'd always joke around, even for a second to make the day brighter.
Back then, I felt like I could do anything, and I didn't feel depressed or lonely. Sure, I missed home every now and then, but I was in a familiar place where I felt I belonged. I didn't feel like a burden to anyone and I learned to stand up for myself and find a place where I felt welcomed.
I loved working and hanging out after work. I loved writing in a place that people don't spend a lot of time, or have the opportunity to lounge around and enjoy every day.
I miss who I was when I worked for Disney. I was confident and happy, learning something new everyday and looking forward to challenges. I was ready for an adventure and confident that I could deal with any problem.
Am I exaggerating? Of course. Memories change overtime, and even negative experiences can become positive ones if positive experiences over rule the negative ones.
I'll admit that I'm not the same person I was before the Disney College Program. I stand my ground now, and I don't let people push me around anymore. I have more confidence in my ability to write and talk to others. Sometimes I feel like I was an entirely different person at Disney. A normal person, who wouldn't shy away from social life. I wasn't as scared of people and I didn't feel like I couldn't make a difference. But maybe this is all in my head.
I remember having tough times at Disney too. A few room mate issues and an awkward encounter. Being homesick for a while and missing my family and friends. But I still feel like I was a better person at Disney. Someone that enjoyed having fun and loved making someone's day better. Someone who wrote whenever they could and jotted down idea after idea that would eventually turn into stories and songs.
I don't think that person is gone, but I feel like she has faded.
I still persevere in the career I want, but I don't push myself to try something new. I still enjoy sharing stories and ideas with people, but I don't deliver all of these words with confidence. I smile but it isn't always real and true. 
The thing is, I can be that person again, it just takes way more effort than before. I have to build my own confidence and make myself happy. I have to believe that I can overcome obstacles again, and I have the ability to do something about my life.
Maybe I'm lazy, thinking that being happy shouldn't be so difficult, but it's all I've known for a long time. I have my defenses, everyone does, and I have my own bad habits that need to be broken. Putting myself down, not believing I can deal with things. Not trusting my heart and constantly questioning anything.
Disney has always been a powerful beacon of hope for me. Whenever things went wrong, I would watch a Disney movie or listen to some songs to cheer me up. When I was angry, I could always think of a way to deal with it after remembering a Disney story or quote.
Maybe that place, surrounded by all my hopes and dreams, resonates with me because it gave me something to look forward to. It wasn't just a coping mechanism or an obsession. It was a way to deal with life, no matter what was thrown at me. It was a stable element in my crazy world, that kept me grounded and serene. A sanctuary.

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