Monday, January 14, 2013
Writing Prompt 48: Confusion
Prompt: Close you eyes and write about what immediately pops into your head.
Confusion seems to stalk me. It follows wherever I go, trailing fear, shame and hurt. It becomes a habit: wondering what I should do, who I'm supposed to be. How do I present myself to the world? When everything is falling apart? When I'm on cloud nine? Do I over do it? Do I boast? Do I whine too much? Do I cry enough? Do I ever give myself a break to just be?
Am I selfish? Self centered? Am I a bad person? Am I a good person?
How am I supposed to act? Is it okay if I don't act that way? Do I lie when I'm not okay? How do I avoid being a burden, when I believe I'm a burden?
It's a mess. These questions that buzz in my head. Over and over and over again I ask them. Over and over and over again, I must come up with my own answer.
What should I do? What do I want to do?
Listening to myself has never been easy. But not listening, that's even worse.
In most situations I am on a swing back and forth, not sure which way to go, not really moving, and not trusting either side.