When will I learn?

To let things go
To live in the moment
To believe in myself
To stop worrying
To laugh instead of cry
To live instead of die
To act before I think
To carry everything but the kitchen sink
To appreciate all I have
To heal my wounds like a salve
To pursue my deepest dreams
To smile instead of scream

Each wistful moment
Each precious hour
Can be sweet
instead of sour.
Is it a switch inside my mind
set to cruel or set to kind?
What is this pattern?
Is it healthy?
Must I crave
to be so wealthy?
Material things
are never enough.
No matter how hard
I try to act tough.

So who am I really?
Am I kind?
Am I sane
or going out of my mind?
So many questions
and so little time
to think instead of act,
and not make up my mind.
It may be a story
no one wants to hear.
With each passing pain
and each newborn fear.

Sometimes it's silly,
the things that I hide.
I bottle up anger
and keep sadness inside.
I'm probably just like everyone else.
Focusing on others
and ignoring myself.
I forget the wonder
and I don't enjoy the ride.
I watch from a window
made by my pride.

But sometimes in writing
That all goes away.
I remember the good times
and live for today.
I focus on moments
of beauty and life.
I ignore all the bad times
and laugh off the strife.
Where I belong
only God will know.
But I won't belong anywhere
if I choose not to grow.