Browse the Garden

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Lessons Learned

Sometimes we have to crash and burn before we can move forward. 
I'm really lucky. I have a family who supports me and helps me get what I want, even if my decisions are impulsive. 
Here's the truth. I love Disney, and that's never going to change. 
I went to Florida, and things happened because I made them happen. I applied for jobs down here, and my family helped me move down here. 
But before I got here, I was fighting a viscous battle with anxiety. I felt lost, and as if the world wouldn't stop spinning. I was moving from place to place with no goals, and I was ashamed of the fact that I hadn't accomplished what I wanted to. 
My uncle died. It was a shock. I was scared and I didn't know if there was anything I could do. 
He was really proud of me, and I learned that he was telling everyone about my travels in South Korea. 
But I felt that I had failed. I felt that I wasn't going after anything that I wanted. 
Now, I had some incredible adventures in South Korea. I started writing again. I made all these amazing friends, and I felt like I was in a memorable chapter of my life. I learned so many lessons, and I even have a few scars. 
I moved from South Korea to Colorado to Arkansas and then Florida. I was able to work for the job I wanted, but I wasn't able to keep it. 
My grief crept up on me. And my shame. 
So I'm going back, and I'm starting from scratch. 
I'm fighting a battle with anxiety, and I'm going to win it. For my uncle. For my parents, and most of all, for me. 
I will make things happen. This time with a more grateful attitude. I will keep writing, because it's my passion. My new goal is to get my trilogy published. One goal to focus on. I think that's a good start. 
I still haven't given up on my dream. But I know, and I think my subconscious knew first that I need some help right now. I need a safe haven, and that's something I need to create. 
I'll get there. One step at a time. 

No comments:

Post a Comment